My Dad's Death

The circumstances of my father's death were unusual to say the least. I doubt that many families experienced such a transition in a harmonious family gathering as we did. The level of each person's participation was the correct measure to fully support each other and my Dad.

The last week of my Dad's life started off just as many other weeks leading up to it. I had visited my Dad often because he was only a few blocks away from me. I walked there in warm weather or drove in bad weather. I usually popped in without warning or plan. The last Sunday of his life I was in a particularly good mood. When I helped him to bed after he finished eating lunch he smiled at me with his usual intelligent glance. The next morning his mind was no longer working and his eyes revealed no consciousness. Between Sunday night and Friday evening he was unable to eat or drink. I spent as much time as possible during the week and especially on Thursday and Friday with my Mom and Dad, believing what my Mom said was true - that Dad was dying.

When we realized that Dad was dying we sent out the message to everyone in the family. Those who were able drove to Crawfordsville and met together in his room. On Friday, February 27 at 8:45 PM I announced to my Mom that I was going on a short walk. As I put my jacket on Mom simply said, "It's time." I immediately took my jacket off and went over to Dad. Mom calmly lead everyone through the final opportunity to say farewell to Dad. Each one went to Dad and said a few words, sometimes with a kiss or a touch on his hand. I then sat next to him on his bed and put my arm around his shoulder. I couldn't bear for him to feel alone. Then my Mom asked me to pray. I said a short prayer but my voice broke a few times with unexpected sadness.

I asked each person to talk to Dad. One at a time my children and his children said their last farewell in their own way and voice. I told my Dad that I would see him again. Mom then asked me to stand back, so I did. I stood next to her as she sat on a chair facing Dad. I asked Marcie to hold my hand and be next to me and she did. Dad's breathe became very shallow but his eyes looked remarkably blue and focused. He didn't move at all other than his breathing. Then he tried to talk, but he was so weak and his mouth so dry that he couldn't be heard. His breathing stopped about a minute later. I hit the nurse's call button and waited about half a minute. When she didn't come I went to the nurses station and told her that I thought he was gone. She came to the room immediately. Suddenly as we entered the room he breathed again and opened his eyes. So I walked back over to him. His mind must have been working well enough to want one last glance before shutting down. When the nurse shook her head a minute later we knew that his heart had stopped. The time was 8:57 pm. We did not linger in the room. He was no longer there.